By agreeing to take part in the 2009 Japan Nash Hash you confirm that
you are, by definition, an irresponsible moron with a drastically
reduced number of brain cells. On the basis that even you must have
occasional moments of lucidity and are of at least half-way sound mind,
you must understand that the Mismanagement of the 2009 Japan Nash Hash, all of whose members are at least as irresponsible as you, will accept
no liability for anything (and we mean ANYTHING!) happening to you
during the course of this momentous event. Death, disability,
disfigurement, disease (sexually transmitted or otherwise) and any other
disasters that may befall your dumb ass are your problem, not ours.
They’re just par for the course – a bit like life, really. Hashing,
especially as practised by Hashers, is a potentially dangerous pastime,
and you do it entirely at your own risk. But then you knew that already,
and you’ve somehow survived this far, against all the odds.
If you are foolish enough to bring some of your most prized possessions
to 2009 Japan Nash Hash and such possessions suffer damage and/or go
missing during the event, that too will be, as you can probably guess by
now, your problem, not ours. That’s not to say that participants’ stuff
will be treated carelessly but do you really want to entrust something
valuable to the collective custody of other hashers, who might well be even
more drunk and irresponsible than you are? Thought not.
The Trails laid at the 2009 Japan Nash Hash may or may not include or
pass hazards such as river crossings; manoeuvres involving ropes, chains
or other equipment; encounters with ursine entities; expanses of thick,
oozing, stinking mud; uneven, unsteady paths flanked by precipitous
drops; plants conveniently located to serve as hand-holds which turn out
to be covered with sharp thorns; local residents angry at the number of
noisy hashers running past or even through their property; and moving
motor vehicles. Still, if you stay on Trail, the above-mentioned hazards
should be considerably less hazardous than off-Trail. Should you fail to
appear at the end of a Run, it will be a difficult choice between
continuing to consume beer and going out to look for you, and we
certainly won’t go looking for you off-Trail. Think about a lingering,
slow and painful death before trying to find a short cut.
You are also reminded that excessive consumption of alcohol may impair
your vision, hamper your ability to drive motor vehicles and operate
power tools, and adversely affect your ability to walk and talk. It may
even render you comatose and lead you to fall asleep in some unlikely
places. It may also lead you to become suddenly and unexpectedly
attracted to members of either sex, some of whom may prove to be
exceptionally unattractive when you wake up next to them the following
morning. (You do know the meaning of “coyote ugly”, don’t you?). It is
also guaranteed to cause you to tell jokes that no-one else finds even
the least bit amusing, and otherwise bore the pants off anyone who is
not as pissed as you are.
Do also remember that anything lewd, bizarre or stupid that you say or
do during the event, whether under the influence of alcohol or
otherwise, will almost certainly be recorded on tape, camera or video;
or even in plain, good old-fashioned memory, and may be used to
blackmail or ridicule you for the rest of your life.
This disclaimer was drafted in its original version by one or more
lawyers, and consequently serves no purpose other than to save (jointly
and severally, whatever that may mean) the collective asses of the
above-mentioned Mismanagement, to screw you and to make the legal
profession even more obscenely rich than it already is. The
Mismanagement are referred to as such for a clear reason so don’t expect
2009 Japan Nash Hash to be a perfectly organised event. If you want
perfection, get some professionals to organise it for you, then pay them
an arm and a leg for it. (Even then, it wouldn’t be really perfect.) Any
attempt by you to sue us for the numerous cock-ups we will doubtless
make is doomed to failure and will also serve only to put yet more money
into the pockets of those f*cking lawyers. You thought life was fair?
Think again (or become a lawyer).
Bottom line: you’re here at your own risk, not ours. So sign the waiver, and don’t say you haven’t been warned!